A time to...

Life is fragile gift that we are given.  We are reminded of this daily.  People come in and out of our lives, leaving their marks on our lives. Through special times, sweet memories, words of wisdom, a warm embrace, a laugh shared or smile in passing all are etched on our hearts and minds and are no less important than the veins that flow to give us life.

Last night my sweet great uncle, Mel Utterback took his last breath on this earth.  His body had fought a hard battle for almost the past 2 years against the cancer.  He was diagnosed around the same time as my grandfather in 2012.  Mel was one of the kindest men I have ever known, and had the Utterback wit that I have come to love in my grandmother (his sister Joan).  His presence will be missed on this earth, but I know he is having a great time being reunited with so many loved ones and being in the presence of his Savior.

If I could do anything to wipe cancer off the face of the earth I would, I am sure many of you feel the same way.  In the past I have donated my hair in the memory of loved ones not only ones effected by cancer but onesthat lost their hair due to other illnesses.  The first time I did it was when I was in high school and I did because I felt for sorry for kids that lost their hair.  There was a girl that had danced at the same studio as me growing up.  The treatments for her leukemia took her hair and it never really did grow back to the way it was before the treatments. Maybe you have already seen this video that was posted last week, but it is absolutely precious. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwQZggdZrOo

I may not have been given the ability to heal or medically treat those that have cancer but God gave me beautiful, healthy hair that grows, that I can donate to those that lose their hair to the battle and do it in the honor of the ones that I love.  Secondly I can raise awareness about donating to The American Cancer Society in hopes that treatments and cures will get better so even more people will be able to celebrate more birthdays.  

So with that I ask you… “will you join me in the challenge?”  I had actually started writing a blog about this over a month ago but just hadn’t felt like the right time to post it.  Today is the day.  There is about 20 months until the deadline I have set… November 12, 2015.  This is a two part challenge.  You can take part in one or both... or not at all, but hopefully you will.

Challenge 1

In December I donated my hair for the 3rd time. Before I had even made the appointment to cut it,  I had decided I would grow it out to donate one more time. My plan is to donate it on my 35th birthday, which will be 11/12/2015.  My challenge... I want to challenge and get (at least) 35 people to donate their hair with me.  You can do it the same day or anytime in the next 20 months or even after.  My hope really is that this will be the stone that causes a ripple effect.

There are several different programs that you can donate to.  Each program has different guidelines.  Here is a link with a list several of them and their guidelines.  http://www.health.com/health/article/0,,20411427,00.html

Pick the one that will work for you and your donation needs.  If you decide to do the hair donation please let me know.  I want to keep track of the ones that are doing this with me, and if given permission would like to include your name and picture on my blog when you donate your hair, and if you want to include the reason why you are doing it.  Also pass the word on… If you have a friend, daughter, sister, co-worker or male friend that needs a hair cut that is interested in doing this please just pass on my blog http://Vanessa-atimetoblog.blogspot.com or email vdirks01@gmail.com. 

On a side note, even if you haven't had someone pass away from cancer but you have experienced loss, donating your hair in the honor of a loved one regardless of how they pass is a beautiful gesture.  I will even go as far to say it is also therapeutic. 

Challenge 2

I have set up a birthday page on the American Cancer Society to raise $3500 by 11/12/2015.  So if growing your hair out to donate is not for you, then this challenge is for you.  Whether you donate a $1 or a $100's, I just want to get people involved with this.  Again… be a ripple.  http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/Events/BirthdayPages?pxfid=1568663&fr_id=19690&pg=fund






I am so excited about this and already humbled by my friends that have committed to do this with me.  Life is a beautiful journey. 
This time my donation is for (these are just a few of them): 
Callie to celebrate 10 years cancer free!
Shelley who is cancer free after two surgeries!
Heather who has beaten cancer 3 times and is currently being monitored for another tumor.
Cherie who is currently battling cancer.
In the memory Mel & Carol

Third time is a charm...

Today has been 18 months in the making.  After I donated my hair in November 2011, I went back and forth about growing it out to donate again.  June 2012 as my Pop-pop lay in a hospital bed after getting sick from the chemo, my decision was made.
This is my third time.  Each time I have donated my hair,  I have tried to pick a day that is significant. The first time I did it on the day of my High School graduation.

First Time

The second time was my last day of being 30.

Second Time

Today has several significant reasons.  When I started growing my hair out because of my Pop-pop's cancer diagnosis, I had pictured in my mind that I would be donating it with him by my side and him in remission. December 28th, 2012, this image was taken away.  My first goal was to do it on what would have been his 81st birthday, August 18th... but my hair was not quite long enough.  So I started looking at other dates that might work not only one that meant something but also one that worked for my hair dresser.  The next two dates were the day he passed and then the day I last saw him, but both fall over the holidays.
Then as I looked at the calendar one day became perfect.  December 18th.  On this day in 1992 my grandpa passed away.  It is also exactly 4 months after Pop-pop's birthday.  It also the 3 month since we lost Hayden.  Hayden was married to Philip's cousin Callie.  He was an amazing young man of 26 years and lived a life that testified of his love for the Lord and for Callie.  Though he would probably say I need to cut my own hair, I am sure he would approve that when you donate your hair that the hair cut is free.  Actually yesterday, Hayden had his first birthday in heaven.

December 18th, 2013 I am donating my hair in the memory of:

My Grandfather - Bill Stinson
My Pop-pop - Dean Moseley
Cousin - Hayden Lavo

 

Third time

 

Special thanks to Terri McInnes, who has been my hair dresser for 20 years and

has been the one to cut my hair each time I have donated it.

Today is exactly 1 week from Christmas.  At church this past sunday they acknowledged and prayed for those that were struggling with the loss of a loved one and that loss is amplified by the holidays.  I know for my family this is true.  For those of you that also feel that ache in your heart, this is the prayer I pray over you.

Heavely Father, our Comforter and our Peace,  I ask that you touch the hearts that hurt, the hearts that ache at the loss of their loved ones.  Lord, I pray that they will feel your presence and that your presence fill that void.  God, we rejoice that our loved ones are no longer in pain and that they are able to dance in your presence.  For those left behind that struggle to understand and have the "why's"that plague their minds, I ask that you provide your peace that surpasses all understanding.... That you quiet the doubt and fear and replace it with joy and hope.  Thank you for sending your one and only Son to die on the cross for out sins, so that we may have eternal life.  In your precious and Holy name... Amen.

100

100… This is the age I thought for sure my Pop-pop would live to.  Never thought he would be gone at 80.  Today is his 81^st birthday and he is getting to spend it with Jesus, at the true 19^th hole.  233 days have passed since he took his last breath.  I can say a day has not passed that I have not thought of him.  Most of the time those thoughts are just fond memories and sometimes those thoughts are met with deep ache and tears. 

I have learned a lot about myself in these 233 days and I have learned a lot about him and his influence on others. The influence a person can have on you, can drive you to do better and strive for goals. I can say he was one of my reasons to strive for success.  To make Pop-pop proud was important.  For the first few weeks after he passed, I felt a little lost in the fact that I would not hear him say “that’s great!”.  Even though I know he was little confused in the fact that I had a real estate licenses but I did not sell houses.  I do residential property management, regardless, he was proud. 

One of the greatest life lessons he gave me was on leadership.  This is one of the things I said at his memorial “Some people are born leaders and that is what Pop-pop was. People often confuse leaders as people who tell others what to do. But true leaders are the ones that serve and do their part for the betterment of others… not just themselves.”  Last few years I started seeking more leadership roles in my local association of REALTORS. Last year I was asked to be a committee chair and then was nominated to run for board of directors.  Pop-pop had served on the board for his retirement community, so I was ecstatic to tell him I had been nominated to run.  Even when I did not make it on the board, he was still proud “that I had put myself out there”.  I really wish I could talk to him about what I am doing now to pursue a leadership role.

I have made the choice that even though he is not a phone call away to share with him what is going on, that I want to be able to tell him a lot has happened since the last time we talked.  I may not be able to hear those words now, but I will.  Life is going to be full of great years, with a few difficult days. During the message today at church, they said "You may not choose the struggles you go through, but you decide how you go through them."  Meaning you have the choice to how you react, how you overcome and how you let that struggle effect you.  You must make the choice to have a happy and purposeful life, it does not just happen by chance.

A legacy is more than just being remembered when you are gone. "What we do for ourselves dies with us.  What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal."  Albert Pine  

We have each been given life lessons, had our lives touched by someone's words, time and/or actions... What have you done to carry on that legacy?  What will you DO to carry on that legacy?  

Scar Tissue

Scar Tissue - What is the first thing you think of when you see/hear these words?  For me I start singing "scar tissue I wish you saw"from the Red Hot Chili Peppers song title Scar Tissue.  Last night I heard this song and started thinking about it in context to Easter and to life.  
As we go through life, things sometimes cause scar tissue to grow in our hearts.  The hurts of life cause a wound and as those wounds heal they become scar tissue.  These wounds could be one of many things... you know what has hurt your heart and how it has healed.  Sometimes these wounds are still in the scab phase and are easily reopened, and are slow to heal.
For some people they struggle to get past these hurts and the scar tissue begins to take over the heart.  Personally I know what it is like to struggle with this.  I have found too that even places that I thought were "healed"  could be reopened in an instant.  A situation, a word, an action or a loss can split open a wound before you even realize it, but those feelings start creeping in and the darkness wants to seep in. And when all hope wants to disappear, the Light reminds you... It is still there and It will over come.  

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  John 8:12

On Resurrection Morning, Jesus came back to life with scars on His body and holes in His hands and Feet.  Can you imagine and if during the middle of the crucifixion Jesus had said, this is not worth it, that He did not love us enough to continue on?  He didn't and he asked God to forgive us. He got out of that grave with joy for what He was able to do.  He gave us eternal Life.  He gave us a life where we do not walk a lone and where He ask us to let Him carry our burdens.  He wants our hurts and he wants to heal our hearts.  

So for those of you that struggle with scar tissue, remember you are not alone.  The One that created you, loves you and gave His life for you... And He is there to take those burdens from you.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16

happens in a blink

This post is about my grandfather who we call Pop-pop.  I will give the back story for those of you who have not heard and in case you need a refresher. :)  This is from my point of view and may not have all the facts correct and I am not a medical professional... I am a property manager.  And I will guarantee that there are typos and I do not care tonight, please forgive my grammar laziness.

Back in March my grandfather found a bump in his belly behind his belly button.  At first they just thought it was a cyst, but test results showed that it was a malignant tumor.  It even has a special name, "Sister Mary Joseph Nodule", here you can even read about it.  This is very rare and when it is present it means there is cancer somewhere else, typically in the torso.  The other spots are located in his lungs.   He started chemo on April 19th and everything looked like it was going great.   If you have ever met my grandparents, you know they are always optimistic and "that everything will be fine" and that "they are flexible".  With their attitudes I don't think any of us expected for anything to go otherwise than "fine". After the first treatment he had no side effects and things were looking good.  The next one, his white cells pluments.  They postponed the 3rd treatment until May 17th, and we continued to pray against any side effects.  But the side effects came on, nausea, head aches and lethargic. May 24th, the 4th treatment and side effects get worse.  May 25th he had to get a blood transfusion, to boost his red blood cells.  My parents were there during this time, to help because not only was my Pop-pop going through chemo and blood transfusion but my grandma had to have cateract surgery on one eye. My parents got home a couple days later and my Pop-pop's condition got worse.  He had no energy and the nausea developed into not being able to keep anything down.  Home health came in and started an IV to try and get him Hydrated.  I talked to my grandmother as she waited for them to come that Sunday night, Pop-pop was too weak to even say hi.  The next day the fluids seemed like they were helping.  He ate and was able to keep things down, until evening came.  At this point I had made the decision that i needed to go down the following week to be there for my grandmothers 2nd cateract surgery and Pop-pop's next chemo, so I booked my flight to leave the 5th. My grandmother ended up having to call 911 around 2 am tuesday morning.  His body was now swollen 2 times its normal size, still not able to keep anything down and weak.  His potassium is elevated and his sodium is low a very delicate balancing act.  The next couple days there is no progress, seems for digress then anything.  They had been using his port to give him meds and fluids but sometime during Thursday night the port was not intaking anything and things started looking very grim. The hospital called my grandmother around 4am and told her that she might want to get up to the hospital.  Without the port they would not be able to give him the medicine.  There were talks of subclavians and ventilators and panic began to swell.  Philip and I made plans to leave this afternoon and drive down, as well as my parents and other family members were looking at flights.  My uncle was able to get a flight that would get him there around 2pm.  He made a plan to talk to the doctors and find out what exactly was going on and what the plan would be.  I began to get peace knowing someone would be there with my grandmother soon and continued to pray. Around noon I got a call from my grandma that the port was working again and that the medicines were going in and that they were able to draw blood.  Around 3 the peace was getting stronger knowing that my uncle was there, but was still on stand by if news was not good.  Around 6 got news that the port was still working, they were starting lasiks which will hopefully get some of the swelling down.  Still have a lot of questions but feel like we are starting to get some answers now.
Grandma called me around 8 and she was headed back up to the hospital to stay with him for the night. She has not been staying with him, because he has told her to go home a rest.  When she asked him to night, he said yes that he wanted her to stay.  They will celebrate their 60th anniversary in February.    Please continue to pray, for my Pop-pop, my grandma, his doctors and for us.  We appreciate the prayers, the calls, texts, messages, your love and support.

This morning I woke up around the time my grandmother got the call, of course I did not know that until later today.  When i woke up I was, wide awake and my mind started going, so I started praying.  This song was in my head, and how true it is.  How quickly things can change. Rivive "blink"

From the Heart

Well I just thought 2 months was a long time to go with out blogging.... HA! So hopefully I am back for good this time. A lot has happened and have a lot going through this little mind of mine. This blog is going to be more about what is going in my mind and in me, mostly because I need to get this out.

The last few months I have been struggling, with what I really couldn't put my finger on it but just felt out of sorts. It was very apparent to those that have been around me too. My poor husband for sure noticed. Talk about an emotional wreck. I have realized that I have turned to into a person that I am not proud of and do not want to be. Well, let me kind of rephrase that, there are parts of me that need to change but I'd like to hope there are still some good parts to me.

The magnify glass came out, when our church started a challenge for the year. For us to get into the word on a daily basis. To set a goal of reading the whole Bible or a portion of it... This is something I have slacked on the last few years. I have started with reading the New Testament. As I have been reading, it has been helping to open my eyes to what my issues are that need to be changed. It all has to stem from my heart and what is in it... I have not been guarding my heart, nor my mind. I find that the littlest thing can piss me off or alter my mood when I should be able to take it in stride and move on. It upsets me more to see how it not only effects me but also the ones that I love that usually take the brunt of it.

There have been some situations lately that God has really opened my eyes to how I am in it but also to others. One biggie is judging people/making fun/poking fun at someone, unfortunately it just comes out. I hadn't really thought much of it until the last month and I had two instances. One, I was sitting with a group where one person made a comment about another person at the table (where the other person could not hear, but I am sure they did, because they continued to repeat this to everyone at the table). The comment had to do with how this person felt that the other person should have some work done so they would be more attractive. I was shocked that this person would say that and all of a sudden I had that voice inside that said "how many times have you said something like that?'... Gulp. The other situation was when I overheard somebody talking about me and I thought "how rude, with friends like that who needs enemies" and again the voice interrupted with "doesn't feel good does it, what friends have you done this to?"... Got it, God.

Matthew 15:18 But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20 These are what defile a person;

I have to take control of the condition of my heart. Changing what goes into it... More of God and a lot less of me. Filtering those things that do not need to be an influence. Words, thoughts and attitudes are going to be a part of what needs to be weeded out. I am tired of living life this way and I am ready for it to change. Just means I have to do some changing first.

Instead of being jealous, angry, impatient, mean, and unforgiving, I will try to be 1 Corinthians.

So this is kind of part 2 of the inner battle. Yesterday during praise and worship, I was thinking/praying and my mind drifted to remembering a special person that I had had in my life. She was a mentor to me and so many ladies... Her presences has been missed in the past years that she has been gone. She was so full of grace, wisdom and the sweetest spirit you could have ever met... I just began to cry. I don't have this in my life any more and at that moment I realized how much I need it. I looked around the church and realized that I really do not know anyone outside my immediate circle of our life group, a few people that I know from outside church for years and then a few acquaintances. How have I gone to a church for 8 years and not have made more relationships? How do I start? You mean I have to get out of my comfort zone? I love my life group girls but there is just something special about having an older woman to look to that has been there and knows how to pray and guide you through it. I am blessed to have family members that are great influences too. My mom and cousin are super supportive and are there when I have a question or need prayer but again it is nice to have someone outside your family to talk to and pray with. So at this point let me just put this out there... I am looking for a new spiritual mentor. Any takers? ;)

To be continued...

How time flies...

Well crap, 2 months have passed and I have not blogged... fail. So now to figure out where to start so I can catch you up.

For those of you that have read my blog before might remember my entry about the "one word challenge". My one word was Experience. This word has become the filter that I run about every situation through. The goal, to make this year different then any other year.
This brought me to a place where it was time for me to step out of my comfort zone. I have been a licensed Realtor for 6 years and really had not been involved to the point I have wanted to be.
A opportunity came up for me to apply to a leadership program for Texas Realtors. It is a really neat program, that gives the student the tools to become a better leader and person. I was so scared to apply, afraid that I would be not be picked. There were only a few spots available through our local association. I had no idea how many other people were apply or who I was up against, but I was proud of myself for stepping out and applying for it. I received so much support and encouragement from other realtors and my broker. The day came and I received a phone call from the executive of the association and he told me... I did not make it in the program this year. :o( He said they had a lot more applicants than they even expected this year and with only 10 spots available it was a really hard decision. As a consolation prize they did offer me to join the association on a trip to Austin for the Realtors Hill Visit day, with my expenses paid. So this coming Tuesday i will be in Austin for the day and will tour the capital and sit in on the current session... I am so excited for this opportunity. They have encouraged me to apply next year as well. So may have not been the experience I was hoping for, but another experience has come from it.

On March 9th, My little Aggi girl got engaged! Aggi has become the tall little sister that I did not have growing up. lol. She is just so special to me, I am so thankful that God has brought her in my life, she blesses me everyday! So the wedding is going to be September 9th... eek! (one day after our 10 year anniversary), so i have been busy helping her plan her wedding. Let me just tell you how amazing it has been to see how God's hand is moving in this union. Aggi comes from a large family and is the second oldest, with younger ones still at home, so she is paying for the wedding herself. So in the beginning we were looking out what were the more important things to her that the money should be spent on and where could we save. Well let me just tell you with God she is not going to have to settle for anything. To start with, the perfect venue went down on the price and is bending over backwards to make things happen... Thanks Melissa!!!! A good friend paid for her dream dress. A family friend is doing the catering. The photographer that took her senior pictures in high school is doing the wedding for a new flash for her camera. It's just been one blessing after another and it has been awesome to witness it.




Well the other thing in my life right now is an experiment I am doing. Most people that know me, know that I have had stomach issues even before my gallbladder issues. I am starting to feel it is more food oriented more than anything else. Now is just to figure out what it is. After a bad flair up, I felt maybe I might have narrowed it down. I had eaten bread and only bread and was completely miserable. So after that I started researching gluten allergies. A lot of the symptoms I have do line up for a gluten allergy/intolerance, not so much celiac disease ( which is good). For a about 4 days I really struggled with stomach problems. On Thursday morning i was laying in bed trying to convenience myself that I needed to get up and also praying. I started feeling that I was suppose to eliminate gluten from my diet for 40 days. So no I am not doing this for Lent, I do not participate in Lent. This is just something I feel I have to do out of obedience. As much as I love my gluten food, if this is the issue I am at peace with that and it is something I can live with. So far I am 22 days into and really had hoped to see more of a difference but so far I have not. The first week was a challenge figuring out what I could and could not have, so really those first few days should not count because I know gluten was involved. I feel if this does not bring the relief I am looking for then I will look to eliminating something else until I figure it out. So any advice would be appreciated!

Now onto my own episode of Hoarding Buried Alive... Ok not that bad but closer than I wanted to be, but we all know I come by it Naturally. It first started with cleaning out the cabinets in the kitchen, then it lead to getting the home office back to a home office and not just a pile room, then it spread to my work office, then closets and the guest room... HOLY MOLY WHERE DID ALL THIS STUFF COME FROM AND WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO HOLD ON TO!?!? So needless to say it has been an emotional journey and bless my husband pea picking heart for still loving me through it all. Let's just say I will be happy to have this garage sale when the weather cooperates.

Now you are up to date on a few things going on in my life, if I updated you on everything that would take to long and you would not read all of it.

"Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you."
Aldous Huxley